Dear diary, 9.35am, I am writing this post after writing shi hui post while she is sleeping in my room.. later 6.50pm I going to book in soon.. I feeling very lost now.. she had changed.. she dun love me like before.. this is not I predict, this is what she told me. She been telling me dun put everything into relationship, do something for ur own, all this sentence behind it with the meaning of she afraid one day she will leave me.. she scare I get hurt.. all this sentence I use to said to her, and now everything coming back to me. Diary do u know how much hurt is inside me? yes I am possessives, I am selfish, but all this is because I love her.. everything have change since I went in to NS, I really regret why were I allow her to go for that job previously.. why is that so? is she really not the one in my life? I really dun dare to face the fact on the day.. I dun wanna break up, I dun want to see my self in that situation again.. I dun wan to see one day u with other guy.. I know is selfish.. but.. I am going crazy inside me.. I need to wait for next fri or sat to see u again.. and I afraid to see u have changed even more dear.. dear pls dun leave me..

Diary diary.. this is my second day coming back from feel camp, I feel so tired and down.. for the past 6 day field camp never been eating good wan, even slp also only 3 to 4 hr of sleep everyday. I miss shi hui so much.. I even look at the star and telling my self I wanna marry her tml. But alot of thing dun come what I wan to.. the day I book out, I didn't see shi hui msg for thur and fri.. even she tell me she go bath, the hour sent to me is not tally, when I wanna check her hp, she wanna master reset because she told me her hp spoil. It been so hard for me to treat is as real and nothing happen, since I enlisted to army, she had totally change alot alot.. more mature.. although is in a good way she think, even I think it is a good thing but she had slowly put our relationship behind her job career.. even we meet up on fri or sat, she always so tire that she slp very early.. I know she is very tire so I didn't woke her up.. but I know our relationship is getting down the slope.. we really have lesser time to meet and talk, even after 6 days of field camp without talking to me on the phone, I dun feel she miss me alot.. I really feel so heart pain.. yesterday she even told me if I can't accept her, conclusion is to be fren, she ask me do I able to accept it.. that I think really hurt me very deeply.. I am really worry the history will happen again.. today when I gave her the balloon, she dun seem appreciate too.. she also going to go over sae for her job, she may go with her boss only too.. I know I must not resist her from her job.. but I also dun wish to see the relationship go down the road.. diary.. I am scare to face it again..